Friday, December 30, 2011

Memories of Laser Taggings past

Before I post about the happenings of this evening, I have another tale to tell. A tale of debauchery, of deception, of... (Ok, maybe not that major, but it's always a great story!)

Many moons ago (Maybe 6 or 7), we arrived at the laser-tag arena on a Friday night. The parking lot was full, and a bus was there. We thought nothing of it. It's full pretty often, but you are still able to get in to play. As we stepped into the building, which as my friend describes, smelling of feet and jizz, we saw the mass of people. It was not looking good at all. We waited for what seemed like ages in this line, only to reach the counter and be told there were no openings for games that night... The Lutheran Church had booked everything. We walked out, extremely angry at these damned bastards, and went to Wal-Mart for a quick lightsaber battle, and returned home. The next day, we tried our luck at getting in for the 20$ all you can play evening special, and we were in all night for a tale of intrigue.

It began on our second or third game. Before entering the arena for 20 minutes of intense laser-based combat, I noticed a moderately cute girl with brown hair and a nice figure. Not exactly something to fall in love with head over heals (as the girl on the train was), but hey, she was dateable material, even given my high standards. The game went on (quite well if I may say so myself), when I said "F#$@" as we were over-run in the high ground. Well, this cute girl from earlier went "Ok, let's go ;)" (Winky face implied). Obviously we didn't and carried on with the combat, but my interested was piqued. Maybe I'd make it to home plate with this lady!

I made sure to get a good look at her after we left the dark playing field and realized that she was quite attractive, and my friends agreed. We figured she was probably 16 or so (I myself was 17 at the time). After a couple more games, we were hanging around the door to get some fresh air when her and her friend came up. She asked for my number and my name, and *obviously*, I gave her said number. A few minutes later, she texted me. We texted back and forth quite a bit, I went in to another game, came back out and texted her some more. She then asked what my age was, and I shared "Still 17, but not for too long". She replied along the lines of "Oh, tehe, I thought you were in your 20's!", and responded that she was THIRTEEN, but would be 14 quite soon. At this point, I gave up on the whole home base thing. Not into jailbait at *all*. I was f#$@ing floored by the fact that she was a thirteen year old hitting on a man she thought was in his 20's.

We decided we might as well have a bit of fun with this from my friend's phone. We called her several times, and as soon as she answered, quoted the full "Do not fuck with us" scene from Fight Club, and proceeded to hang up. She was a bit scared until we finally told her who we were!

Well, once I arrived home around 11 PM, she texted me suggesting we play 20 questions. I didn't want to be a total jerk and stop talking to her right after hearing the 13 thing, so I figured I would oblige with this last request, say I was going to bed, and never contact her again. I said "sure, go ahead", and she texts me with 20 questions... Yes, she asks me TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF! "What color eyes do you have? What's your favorite game?" etc. I simply replied by sending her a link to a Wikipedia article detailing 20 Questions. She said she was playing a *different* 20 questions. I said to myself, Dear God, what an immature little girl. I couldn't even converse with her... I told her I was going to sleep, and planned to never speak to her again.

The next morning, she texted me telling her that even though she had only met me the night before, I was like her "New BEST friend ever!", to which I did not reply. Kids these days seem to be making the concept of a friend, or even best friend, completely meaningless. I have never heard from her since.

Man, I thought I was on the track to getting a girlfriend until the 13 thing, and figured "Meh, I could kind of be an acquaintance here and there" until the 20 questions deal, as well as her other childish ways.

This girl appeared to be about to finish high school, with a more maturely filled out body than girls my age, yet turned out to be THIRTEEN. Must be something in the water, or those growth hormones in the cows. Either way, always get an age confirmation or you might end up disappointed or disturbed that you took even a brief interest in someone so young!

I still wonder if she was an FBI plant in a pedophile sting operation. Thank God I'm not one, or they would have had me by the balls! At least now they know I have no interest in such crap!


  1. omg, I always wanted to play laser tag, but never got the chance
    I now have the blues ahahaha

  2. Haven't done this since I was in my Teens... Sure brings back memories.

  3. Vulcan Raven and J: There are sometimes adults there as well. I'd suggest you go and play! My friends and I were intending to go play once a month, but they're pretty low income and sadly we weren't able to make it every month, but when we do, it's a blast. Just don't yell the whole time like I did... I lost my most of voice except the lowest pitches and am trying to nurse it back with tea.

  4. Oh lord decadent, it was almost revolting :P

  5. On the topic of laser tag, love it!

    The girl however, yeah it's crazy how mature young girls look sometimes, you can't cautious enough.

  6. My favorite is the 9 year old slutty cops on Halloween -__-

  7. BragonDorn: Thanks, you too!
    BusterDraco: inded -__-